12- Love taps and hugs

 


Journal: March 12, 1987

 

I’m still caught up on Peggy and still wonder what exactly is it she wants, or means by her hugs and love taps.

I’ve never been able to pick up well on such clues.

I’m always afraid of making a mistake.

I also suffer from the curse of being “a nice guy,” which I learned from a newspaper review some years ago is a bad thing, that nice guys always finish last – at least where the singles scene is concerned. Shy uncertain souls almost certainly take the back seat to the clearly aggressive. There seems to be a significant disadvantage to taking things slow.

Of course, the go-go-bar-scene comes with presumptions on both sides – and many of the girls here must believe that a nice guy is really a nasty guy in disguise.

With me, it’s a little of both.

And I’m as guilty as the next guy in what I presume and what I want.

I can’t help wondering if Peggy is here in this world she must be a prostitute, and she has to believe that since I’m here gawky at her, I must be a pervert.

It is hard to escape the basic mistrust that these places cause, and to be truthful, I’m not very clever with a hook or a line.

So I try to figure out from clues what she wants.

Last night, she perked right up when she saw me at the bar and came right over to talk with me, spending most of the night seated next to me – drinking too much naturall, but perhaps less interested in making the bar rich than having an excuse to be close to me.

She hit my arm a number of times over my slightly cynical remarks, hugged me twice as she explain her pain – that ugly, miserable time of month when womanhood becomes unbearable. She hinted and danced around the issue of her looks, saying she is fat while I denied it.

Her touching is strong evidence of interest. Bars like this are terrifying places where women struggle to survive and to show even a little interest is a huge risk.

Of course, if she is a prostitute – which I want to doubt – her touching could also be part of the come-on.

But the hug?

And why would she be so worried about how I perceive her looks?

I suspect that part of the reason she dance is for attention, the need to have people think she is sexy and worth looking at.

She told me she is dancing at a club a half a block from my house on Saturday, hinting I should come, and if I do, I intend to eat the peach pit and all and ask her for a date.

 

 Peggy Main Menu


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